I usually have a combination of thoughts and feelings with regards to statements such as this:

My apologies for the nearly duplicate posting, but just like the rumors I have heard about (the Slavic deity) Perun; I have likewise read (in “Of Gods & Holidays”) that Perkunas is associated with sacred fires and the oak. However this book also does not cite its sources. Does anyone know what source materials are used to make these claims??

This was in response to a post I made on a message board for Reconstructionists. My thoughts, when I read such comments are twofold; I am saddened and angered.

I keep running into this, and I’m sure my fellow Eastern Europeans feel the same way. I hate getting comments such as the above because it raises my hackles, to me it sounds like “please justify your faith”. Romuva, which is the modern expression of an ancient faith, a faith that has persisted for a very long time. Lithuania did not officially start being converted to the Catholic Faith until the marriage between Grand Duke Jogaila and Jadwiga, Queen of Poland…. conversion started in and around 1387, and it took about 200 years for conversion. Many of the beliefs, practices and customs continued until the 20thC. Our last sacred Oak Grove was chopped down in the 1790s.

Lithuanians are not reconstructing anything. It’s there, it has always been there. The problem with amateur pseudo-academics is that they are accustomed to studying dead cultures. The revival of the Roman Traditions, Hellenismos, etc … all the information is available in texts written a couple millenia ago, but there is no empirical proof that any of these beliefs, traditions have survived — they are myths now.

Lithuanians are referring to folksongs learnt at their grandmother’s knee, folktales taught as children in kindergarten, little proverbs uttered by our mothers when there is a thunderstorm. We never went through a witch-hunt/craze like Western Europe did. Our herbalists/faith healers were and still are revered.

Our source text? The “Liaudies Dainos“, good luck trying to read that if you aren’t fluent in the language. That’s the problem as well. Much of the “source text” that these pseudo-academics whitter on about are not reading their own source texts in the original languages. How many of them can read ancient greek? latin? ancient icelandic? Very few. They rely on translations, and much of the translating work was done decades ago. The expectation now is that us Eastern Europeans get on with it and translate as fast as possible so that they can analyse our source texts.

There is very little appreciation for the rich tapestry of customs and traditions which we have retained and nurtured – against oppression by the Russian Empire (Ems Ukaz anyone?) and then by the Soviet Authorities who tried to stamp out all vestigages of national pride, and even the languages. Very little understanding, or willingness to understand, that our faith is not something from dusty tomes — but a living and breathing and vital component of our lives.

I find it more than annoying that my faith structure in essence is being called into question. The whole – you believe that Perkunas drives a chariot pulled by 2 black goats, show me the source evidence for this. There is no handily packaged set of texts such as the Illiad or the Oddessy for these pseudo-academics to challenge and mull over. The fact that we say – our songs, our folktales, our prayers – means nothing.

I say bugger.

Well, I got sick again. Blast this decrepit body!

I went to Emergency on July 17th at 2am with severe abdominal pain. I was in ER for a few hours and was prescribed Macrobid by the ER doctor – a certain Dr J Thurger. I was sent home, hopped up on morphine. A few hours later the pain was worse, I had chills and was shivering so much I could barely stand. I called for an ambulance and got myself back to the ER. My heart rate was 175 bpm and had trouble getting oxygen in, so I was connected to an oxygen tank. Finally got to the ER and a team of nurses were working on me to get an IV started and to take multiple blood draws.

I was put into another room, thankfully I didn’t have to move, they just moved the stretcher I was on. One of the Residents from Urology came down for a consult and he irrigated my bladder. What came out was huge bloody chunks of mucous and deep red urine. Macrobid is a fairly weak drug, so it would have never been able to kill off what was now a raging Urinary Tract Infection. The Resident manage to irrigate about a litre of sterile saline through me, and the stench was overwhelming.

I got admitted to the ward on July 19th, so yeah I was in ER for nearly 2 days before they could get me a bed. I got onto the ward (Urology Ward, C2 at Sunnybrook Hospital). It seems that superficially I was doing okay, but on July 21st I collapsed vomitting blood and stopped breathing. I was rushed to the Critical Care Unit (ICU) where I was intibated and then placed on a ventilator for nearly 10 days. Seems the UTI spread and I had an infection in the blood, and then it spread further to my lungs. I had pneumonia, and a fairly deadly one as I couldn’t breathe.

Eventually I was moved to D4, which is step-down ICU where it’s 2 patients per nurse while CrCU is one patient to one nurse. I was in D4 for a day and a half, and while there I had a number of tests done. I had a doppler of the legs done, as Respirology was concerned that I might have blood clots that could cause problems for my lungs. The doppler was clear. I had a number of chest x-rays, and was taken down to Angioplasty to get a PIC line inserted – a PIC is a catheter surgically inserted into a vein, for those of us with crap veins which have been tapped out. With the PIC in the central line (IV) in my neck was removed, as was the collapsing IV in my left wrist.

I was deemed fit enough on July 27th to go back to the regular ward. I was placed in isolation, as I was exposed to MRSA 18 months prior. I was on two different but powerful drugs – Vancomycin and Levequin. I was in isolation because my MRSA is a danger to the elderly and the very young – and the ward was full of older men recovering from prostate surgery. I had a hard time the first few days, with me discovering that morphine now makes me wheeze and makes it difficult for me to get any breath in.. there goes another painkiller I can’t use. I was on puffers for a short while, but even those proved to be detrimental, with them causing me to vomit and cough rather violently.

While in hospital the nurses irrigated my bladder every 3-4 hours, to make sure there were no mucous plugs which could contribute towards another UTI. I was weak as a kitten and could barely stand but I practiced everyday and got stronger.

I was eventually discharged on August 5th and sent home. The first few days I was scared to sleep on my own. The whole experience of not being able to breathe on my own freaked me out, and still does. So for the first few days after my discharge Squirrel, Tarotcub and my mum took turns spending the night at my place, checking on me periodically to make sure I was okay. I’m feeling better now, but am still freaked and am pleased that I am under orders to flush the bladder every 4 hours, which means I wake up in the middle of the night — my alarm clock is my friend as it beeping at me every 4 hours is very reassuring with regards to my fears of not being able to wake up.

I was scheduled for a cystoscopy for August 12th. I got to the Cysto Clinic and my doctor decided that I was still too weak for the procedure, so I’m to go back this coming Monday. While there I asked my doctor about this latest adventure. I was feeling sick towards the end of my hols in June and paged the Urology Resident on Call on June 27th from the airport (Pearson) as my stoma was infected. My doctor said yes, it probably started back then. He was shocked when I told him that I was at the ER earlier on July 17th and that they discharged me with a script for macrobid.. he looked livid, and he does have a reputation for being super protective of his patients, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he reems them out for nearly killing me.

I am still waiting for a call from Respirology as they need to run tests on me cos of the lung issues.

Currently I am at home, fluttering about my flat in a hospital gown. I’m still rather weak, but I am getting stronger. This latest bout has adjusted my tastebuds somewhat and now I find pasta and pierogies disgusting – like eating very thick wallpaper paste. Ah well.

… I had my big uber surgery. I will be having a little drink with friends next weekend to celebrate my surviving the surgery.

A lot of changes have gone on in my life in the past 18 months - the surgery being one of them. Another was losing my job at Airmiles. I admit I was devasted by the job loss, especially as I was trying to nail down a surgical date; which made it difficult to find a new job as I couldn’t give a definitive date for the surgery. Luckily I did find a temporary placement at Corus Entertainment, which kept me going financially and mentally until a month prior to surgery. My time at Corus did wonders in rebuilding my confidence in my professional skills, which helped in not overstressing my body prior to the big slicing.

The surgery, as those who have read my blog entries, was brutal. I got through it all with a lot of support from my parental units and my brother. As well, friends checking up on me while I was in hospital - Cassie & Stu, Mike, Puck, Brian, Lydia, Andrew, Rebecca. And when I got out a lot of words of support from friends both far and near.

What I did notice is that those who have called themselves my friends really fall into two-camps - true friends and fair weather friends, the former I appreciate and adore and the latter I no longer make an effort to maintain a semblance of a friendship –if they want to talk or get together with me, that’s fine, but I am no longer prepared to expend the energy to do so, it’s better spent on other endeavours.

Those who call themselves my friends, but who I consider to be fair-weather friends, are those who couldn’t be bothered to see if I was okay. Individuals who cannot be bothered or do not want to be bothered with expressing concern if I have a kidney infection, suffering through MRSA, a really bad UTI, being put on a respirator because I went unconscious for 5 days right after surgery. But if I am smiling and seem happy than they are fine with talking with me, and trying to enjoy happy moments.

This surgery opened up my eyes to who are my true friends, to who I want to spend time with. The surgery also made me realise how fleeting life is, and it’s just not worth chasing after people who cannot be bothered to pay attention to me unless there’s something in it for them.

"Followed the Sun"










"I sowed the hemp"

.. if anyone wants them and makes me a decent offer they can have them:

TD Kendricks. The Druids.
Jean Markdale. Merlin - Priest of Nature
Thomas Cahill. How the Irish Saved Civilization
Brian Bates. The Real Middle Earth
P.B. Ellis. The Druids
Stuart Piggott. The Druids
Marie Heaney. Over Nine Waves - A Book of Irish Legends
Ceisiwr Serith. A Book of Pagan Prayer
P.B. Ellis. A Brief History of the Celts
P.B. Ellis. A Brief History of the Druids
Mara Freeman. Kindling the Celtic Spirit
Elizabeth Pepper & John Wilcock. Magical and Mystical Sites - Europe & the British Isles
Wylundt's Book of Incense

Many of you don't read my new blog on wordpress so I thought I'd just provide this link. I got a Hello Kitty from a very excellent friend who bought it for me whilst travelling about Japan.

http://opinionatedbean.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/hello-kitty-2/

I know, I declared that I would post on wordpress from now on. But as there is a feed to facebook of my wordpress blog I thought it would be safe to post here. My concern is that more and more "authorities" are vetting potential and current employee activities through facebook.

Anywho, on to my semi-rant here.

I am very much looking forward to Hamilton Pagan Pride. I thoroughly enjoy myself there, for the most part. I say "for the most part" as I do not enjoy the vendor area. It's the same old tired "bling" that they are hawking - the whole "I'll slap a pentacle on and it will sell". A lot of the goods being sold are rather shabby and very little artistry is put in by these so called "artisans". True, there are exceptions and when it is possible to find something interesting it can be truly spectacular (like my concrete mushroom that I got a couple of years ago). But for the most part it's crystals with cheap wiring wrapped about on a cheap plastic string selling for $20, or some questionable incense.

This year is special as Blackangel has invited a few peeps from different traditions to help in a Fire Blessing. I am doing a Baltic one. As most Baltic Rites are primarily song-based I need help with the singing. I have roped in Ms Amber with that, and that's great for a soprano.. need a baritone to round out the sound (I'm an alto by the way). After the rit I'm going whoosh to Pearson to hop onto a plane for a week in the UK.

A whole bunch of books are being published by people I know, and there's been a general push for us in the community to "support our artists and authors"; and generally I agree with this, if they produce quality work that I am interested in. Mr Bren is having his book launched as we speak, and huzzah for him, and from the sounds of it it will do fairly well. And he does produce good quality work which is worthwhile purchasing. But going back to my comments about the vendors at Hamilton Pagan Pride -- has anyone seen the "artwork" done by pagan artists? I ran across an individual at the Halifax GG who told me point blank that it was my duty to support pagan artists because I can afford to.

This is a ramble, I know, but my point (eventually) is that I am tired to people looking at me and thinking "oh she's an accountant, she can afford to buy my sh*t" and then proceed to try and guilt me into doing so. That's why I tend to stay quiet about my profession and when asked what my rates are I state "$125 an hour"; when asked if I will barter my response is usually "I can't pay my rent in athames or aromatherapy sessions".

This blog is basically no more, I have moved over to Wordpress and enjoy it there.

I am now "Opinionated Bean" and located at http://opinionatedbean.wordpress.com/

I'm toying with the idea of moving my blog over to Wordpress. I don't think I'll import what I've written in the past 2 years here in LiveJournal - but instead shall start afresh and will setup an RSS feed or whatever so that this blog gets updated with whatever I write in WordPress. I'll still keep this blog for more "personal" posts and my mental meanderings with regards to politics, the state of society and so forth shall go elsewhere.

A new chapter has opened in that a single blog can no longer contain me :-)

Plus, LJ doesn't have the ability to provide me with stats - I am curious to know how many hits I get.

Now I need a new nom de plume. I was toying with Bean Geek as I do have geeky tendancies and am an accountant. But the name is too cumbersome. Maybe Amber Bean.

Seems Medical EI is for 15 weeks maximum and I reach that tomorrow. I am still unable to work, due to my requiring nursing care for my incision.

The lady on the line said rather tersely when I asked "what am I suppose to do? I still have a gaping wound on my abdomen", "I recommend you find other sources of income". And I reiterated that I am physically unable to hold down a job for the next month.

Now I have to apply for welfare.

I paid into the EI programme for 15 years and never made a claim before and then all of a sudden I am being cut off. And how did I find out? I got a letter last night - just lovely, 2 days before I get cut off. Now I have to scramble to find money.

I hate EI.

PD Network Updates are emails from the CGA for "Professional Development". Now that I have my CGA I have to "maintain" the designation by doing continuing education. So I get PD updates - Professional Development. Last week's email was about negotiation skills. This week's is on tax updates.

I am intrigued by the tax updates webinars, I have to admit. They are done through CCH, which is one of the foremost publishers on Canadian Tax issues. I used them a fair bit when I worked at the prior company when calculating Corporate Income Taxes - I wanted to understand why certain calculations had to be done in a certain way so I subbed to CCH.

The current tax webinars are on: Taxation of Private Businesses; GST Update; and, Cross-Border Update.

I got my first letter from the CGA and it had those glorious three letters after my name... yup "C-G-A".

Now the thing to consider is should I go for my ACCA? CGA Canada and the ACCA have a reciprocity agreement between themselves. Is it worthwhile getting the ACCA? Means I would be an accredited accountant in the UK able to practice/use the designation in the UK and I believe Ireland.

Hmmm things to ponder.

.... I can sleep on my side now - though with some support behind my bum.

yes!

(for those wondering why I am delighted by this, this means that my abdominal muscles have healed sufficiently enough to handle this.. I am sleeping with support behind me and under the tummy so it has something soft to rest against)

I am extremely sleepy, but in a good way. I am trying to get as much sleep as possible, as I find that the more I get the more I feel better.

I am healing nicely. Other than the odd twinge now and again I am not dipping into any pain killers - even regular Tylenol.

My surgical site is healing very well, according to my nurses. I have been reduced from twice daily visits to once a day. The stoma is doing well.

All in all I would say I am doing remarkably well.

The only issue right now is that I am find stairs extremely difficult. I can go down stairs, slowly. But climbing stairs is a challenge - my legs feel like heavy weights and it's difficult to raise them high enough to climb a stair. But I am practicing each day, taking short trips outside for 5 minute intervals. Today's excursion was to purchase some liquid hand soap from the downstairs variety store.

I am obsessed with cucumbers at the moment though - I can't stop eating them.

I have been home for a day now, from my latest bout at the hospital. It feels good to be home, but I have to admit, I am feeling betwixt myself. I spent the day munching on carrots and cucumber, and then having some roast chicken from a local german grocery shop (thank you Tarotcub!), all lovingly accompanied by the television.

To put it plainly, I am bored. I want to go out, but I am still feeling very weak.

On an odd note I believe my latest stay at the hospital freaked out my doctor as I am getting twice daily visits from a homecare nurse. It appears that they have been instructed to keep a careful eye on my stoma, my temperature, any mucous output, and the amount of my output. I believe they are keeping a careful eye on me so that I don't need another hospitalisation.

Not sure what to do with myself tomorrow.

I can't really stray far from home even if I did go out. The stoma care regime, for the time being, is quite severe with regards to timing - and as it involved alcohol wipes, MUKO, an irrigation tray, irrigation syringe and sterile saline - so I am limited with regards to my time away from the medical "supplies".... le sigh

I got the letter from the CGA - my work experience has been accepted and I am to be designated. Yup, I shall have my CGA designation shortly. Yes!

Diresquirrel has pointed out that this means that he doesn't have to bribe a lawyer to sign his passport applications. If any of you want me to sign, once I get the designation, bear in mind that I have to have known you for 2+ years.

May the bribery begin!

I have been silent for a wee while and some of you might have noticed - or not.

I was released from Sunnybrook on December 7th and I was doing okay. But around the 20th I started feeling icky and the abdominal pain was getting a little worse each day. I thought it was an infection so I paged Urology at Sunnybrook for advice and to see if I should come in for a new script. I was advised to stay home, drink plenty of liquids and to take Noroxin (I have a renewable script for it).

The evening of the 23rd I was puttering about the kitchen, doing dishes (my new PSW refuses to do dishes) so that I could sterlize some foreceps for the homecare nurse for the 24th dressing change. I turned around and caught the tube of my mallicot on a door handle. I managed to rip out the mallicot from the bladder but it was still stuck in the abdomen. I called Diresquirrel to get me to the ER; got there at midnight (so the start of the 24th).

At the ER the triage nurse decided that I was a low priority - even though I was screaming in pain and I couldn't see past my tears. Eventually I get onto a stretcher and while I am writhing in pain Diresquirrel tried very hard to get me some painkillers. Lucky for me Dr Chung (5th Resident who worked on my surgery and has a bit of a possessiveness to my case) was called in to the ER for a consult. A fellow next to me fell off his roof and had broken some of his bones...but what also happened to him was that his urethra was severed from his bladder, the man couldn't pee. Dr Chung fixed him up (it took awhile but at this point I was willing to wait since Dr Chung told me that I am next), but it took nearly 2 hours.

It was around 2am that Diresquirrel had to leave as he had to work the next day. Dr Chung fixed me up around 3:30am. So from my ripping the mallicot out at 11:00pm to 3:30am I was without pain relief and screaming in pain. The ER nurse didn't like the fact that Dr Chung took care of me, with the comment of "but she's not a priority"... Dr Chung stated that she is not an ER doctor and I am her patient.

I was stuck with the tube in my stoma for drainage and as that tube had no anchor for it, it could easily slip out and I could have no ability to drain the bladder. During the day of the 24th I was feeling really weak and when my homecare nurse showed up she did my dressing and inadvertantly pulled the tube out too much. I went 9 hours without being able to drain the bladder; I irrigated with sterile saline, thinking that there might be some blockage and I had unfortunately ended up soaking my dressing and not clearing anything.

At midnight (the 25th) I paged Urology and they ordered me to come to the ER and ask for a GU Tech (their speciality is catheters, tubes and drainage). It was like night & day the treatment I got at the ER. I showed up and within 2 minutes I was an acute care room in the ER getting immediate attention from the ER doctor (lovely and delicious morphine was pumped into me) and the GU Tech cleared me up. In the meanwhile blood samples and urine samples were taken, along with swabs of my open wounds.

Results of the tests were that I had 3 infections - a rather severe Urinary Tract Infection, a skin infection that got into my wounds and MRSA (a bacteria resistant to practically every antibiotic out there). I got admitted to the hospital the morning of the 25th. A 7am phone call to my parental units freaked them out, but they were also relieved to know that I was getting help.

Because of the MRSA I had to be put into isolation so that I wouldn't infect others. I was in isolation from the 25th til today, January 3rd. While in that tiny room I was on a high dosage of vancomycin (aka, drug of last resort as per Wikipedia) and macrobid. I had 9 glorious days of puking my guts out.

Now I have no tubes - I have learned how to catheterize through my stoma (it still looks so raw and tiny, but it's getting better looking) and I am down to one open wound. I am still having a hard time with certain foods - mostly beef, eggs, cakes, potato (unless mashed), and bread.

I think I lost more weight :-)

I am constantly tired, but yet I can't sleep. I desperately want to lie on my side, but with the open wounds and the tubes I have to lie on my back with my head elevated to a nearly sitting position (to make it easier for me to get out of bed without great pain).

According to Buelah (my homecare nurse) the open wounds are noticeably smaller than last week, the drainage is good (better out than in) and there are fewer bladder spasms.

My only issue is my appetite. Before surgery I could easily eat 2 eggs with a whole wheat bagel and a small banana for breakfast - now, I can barely eat a single egg with half a bagel, I have to force myself. I have to make sure I'm eating a wide variety of foods so that I can get enough nutrients for the healing process. Buelah suggested that I increase my protein intake, coupled with potassium, so that I can more easily heal. Again, before the surgery I could eat a 10oz steak with a potato and a side of broccoli - now I can barely eat 4oz with a couple of broccoli florets.

At first I thought I may have lost about 10lbs because of the surgery, but looking at my arms, fingers, ankles, toes and even my swollen stomach I think it's easily 20+ pounds. Makes sense since I did put myself on a liquid diet 3 days before surgery, and then after surgery my main source of nutrients was an IV which was just saline. It was only 5 days before I was released from hospital that I actually started having something more substantial (i.e. broth, jell-o, juice and gradually moving onto soft solids like full-bodied soups).

I have managed to consume 16g of protein so far - and now I'm off to get some baked beans, which are 15g of protein.. I need a minimum of 50g just so I can heal. Thank the stars that I had a large bottle of multi-vitamins before going to Sunnybrook - I'm quaffing those as well.